This is an archived copy of a post written by Conflict Of Justice (conflictofjustice.com). Used with permission: Conflict Of Justice may not agree with any alterations made.
For some, the hardest part of being a missionary is talking to hundreds of strangers every day. Even to those who are not severely introverted, this can be a nightmare. The scenarios that played out in the imagination pre-mission and the practice sessions in the MTC could not prepare you for it. Not until you are out there approaching strangers could you understand how difficult it could be. I learned to quickly adapt with these strategies.
Prepare For Each Day
Dress Well – The natural tendency may be to wake up feeling dread for the hours of door-to-door trips to come. It is easy to dwell on it and become anxious. Instead, start the day with a ritualistic schedule that prepares you for what’s to come.
- Go to sleep as early as you can so that you wake up refreshed.
- Try to have at least one big event planned for each day, such as a meal with a ward family or discussion with a good investigator (empty days are the worst.
- Fix a good breakfast, study, and dress in a way that makes you feel confident. After a few months, the tendency will be to just throw on the same dress clothes without thinking about it. Instead, take a second to iron your shirt and select a tie meaningfully, as if you were going on a date. Attach your name tag with care.
Study Public Speaking – Start your day with prayer and scripture study. I learned to supplement scripture with theological literature to ensure I was not just rambling through the words in my head. After scripture study, I studied books on public speaking and socializing (such as the book How To Make Friends & Influence People). You may feel silly doing this, but it vastly improves your communication. Next, I studied the local language and culture. If your mission is in your native language, it still helps to study the language. For me, the essentials were:
- A condensed book on German grammar
- A stack of vocabulary words I jotted down from time to time
- A thick volume of Grimm’s Fairy Tales
Study With Your Companion – I found this to be a great start to the day, and it helped even more when I studied together with my companion. With my trainor, I discussed social techniques and how they applied to formal discussion and street contacting. With others, I discussed German language and culture. I regret that I did not study the gospel and public speaking with my companions more often, because it definitely would have helped. If nothing else, it gets you into a socializing mood.
Easy Warm-up – When you walk out the door in the morning, try not to think about your day and ease into your surroundings. One thing at a time. Stretch. Take a deep breath of the chilly air, admire the buildings down your street, and feel the pavement under your feet. After a few minutes, wave to one or two people. Then ask somebody how they are doing. Then sit next to somebody on the bus and introduce yourself. However long you need to warm up to this, like starting a marathon, take your time to ease into social-mode.
Be Inspired By The Culture
Maybe it was because I served my mission in such a beautiful place, but I found that I was happiest and most successful when I enjoyed my surroundings. In the film The Best Two Years, a discouraged missionary gets wrapped up with taking photographs of landscapes instead of talking to people. This certainly must not become a substitute, but I found myself inspired when I took just a minute to look around. This helped me appreciate the people, as they were part of that beautiful surrounding. Love the scenery.
Love the weather. It’s easy to yammer about cold hands when you are going door to door, until you step back and see the beauty of the snow resting upon all of the rooftops. You can’t help but admire each person who makes up this scene and want to immerse yourself into it.
Love the culture. A missionary often sees the dark underbelly the few see, and it can become disturbing. But consider that a missionary gets a unique perspective; nobody else in world has the opportunity to talk to hundreds of random people from all walks of life each day. You get to see beyond the media image, popular portrayal, and historical narrative: you see the people and the culture for what it truly is. For example, immigration in Germany has filled news headlines lately, but I believe I have a better perspective on this issue than any politician or journalist, because I have met and had intimate spiritual conversations with hundreds, perhaps thousands, of immigrants across Germany. I have seen where they live, who they are, who their family is, the misery they are fleeing, etc. Such a full portrait of individuals and society at large is both depressing and inspiring, as each person carries triumphs of the human spirit and failures.
The conquistadors conducted missionary work by rounding up locals, burning their books, and forcing them to change their religion and culture. We don’t do this. We do not inject our own culture or offer criticism. We are not culture warriors. BBC News recently asked if “Mormon missionaries” practice a “form of imperialism” and “white supremacy,” “colonisation.” Frankly, I find just this question appalling, disgusting, and misguided. I also find it interesting coming from British state media… certainly the British empire would know all about that, right? But no, absolutely not, there is no imperialism, racial supremacy, or colonizing by the church. Converts naturally change and shed negative traits (in America this may include an irrational obsession with ‘individual rights’ over individual responsibility, for example). But this does not happen through persuasion from missionaries. It comes entirely from themselves. A big difference between us and the church of Satan is that the church of Satan conquers and compels, forcing the individual into a class definition. We focus on the individual, love the native culture, and simply minister God’s message.
Don’t Be A Salesman – Some people naturally have the personality of a salesperson, and that’s alright for them. There’s nothing wrong with that. You can’t pretend, if that’s not how your personality is. It will quickly wear you out. It takes some amount of balance between treating contacts as customers and treating them as close friends. You can’t treat everyone as close friends either, because most people will act vicious towards you and slam their doors, and that will quickly wear you out as well. An extrovert will not understand why constant slammed doors ruins your day.
I found that 10 minutes into doing doors, I adapted and got into a rhythm that made it fun. I didn’t see each closed door as a lost opportunity of eternal salvation, but I didn’t see them as just a number either. I saw it for what it was: a brief interaction that in most cases results in nothing more than people remembering that nice “Mormon” missionaries exist. If you were to go door to door and say “Hey, I’m a nice missionary and I exist,” would it be so bad when people slam their doors? Probably not. Consider results compared to how things were before you got there. If everyone slams their doors, at least they will remember that there are nice church missionaries out there will smiling faces, right? So you did a good job. You are bound for disappointment if you hope everyone will be happy to see you and invite you in for tea. If you get into spiritual discussions with people, and if you get an invite to come back later for a discussion, then even better!
Take Breaks – Unless I’m really into what I’m doing, I found it helpful to take short breaks to recharge. Be careful that these breaks don’t go too long. The worst was when a short break turned into a three hour visit at a local bookstore. It is so easy for a missionary to lose focus, and then you feel lazy and sluggish, and you can’t get back into the rhythm. It’s like sleeping in too long and trying to wake up early the next morning. In my short breaks, I learned to meditate, to think about nothing. I even sat, closed my eyes, and hummed a few times. You could do this when you are walking and there is nobody around or when a meal is cooking. Don’t listen to a pop song or watch TV for your break, as that will distract you from missionary service and occupy your brain which needs this time to relax.
Sometimes I needed a short break to say a personal prayer in my head, or a prayer together with my companion. This helped me get grounded if my focus got pulled away by bible bashers, an angry atheist, or some worldly care. Bitter people who take out their frustrations on missionaries always receive karma for it–sometimes within minutes. God takes this work extremely seriously, so try not to worry. If you need to take a minute after somebody’s hissy-fit, don’t feel bad about it. If somebody brought up an issue or argument that you don’t have an answer for, jot it down and take the time to thoroughly research it later. (By all means, send us a comment or email here at Conflict of Justice and I will research it for you!)
Try to see the overall scope of it. Most people will reject you, and some people will come away even more bitter and hateful than before. But don’t take it personally, because most people will come away with at least a slightly better impression, and some people will grow closer to God–even if few get baptized. Take joy in each small victory.
Have Fun – My first companion told me, “If you aren’t having fun, something is wrong.” This helped me chill out when I got stressed. One time, a guy angrily yelled at me when I showed up at his door, and walking away I took a deep breathe, turned around, and casually asked him about the BMW sitting in his driveway. Then, we had a friendly chat. People’s reactions depend greatly upon your attitude, whether you are relaxed and friendly or whether you are just out doing a chore.
Another time, I rang an old man’s doorbell and asked him if a group of us could sing him a hymn ( I don’t think this tactic of trying to sing hymns ever worked, by the way.) He screamed, “Go away, I’ve had enough of songs!” Literally in Germany, the idiom is: “I have my nose full of songs.” Everyone else stiffened and turned, but I thought it sounded hilarious, so I screamed back sarcastically, “Well, I also have my nose full of songs!” The German old man burst out laughing and we had a friendly chat after that. Everyone else couldn’t believe that screaming back at someone got them to become friendly. But it was all in the attitude. The best thing for a grumpy old man is a relaxed, funny guy. In so many situations in life, it is not what you say but how you say it. Just chill out and enjoy yourself. And be yourself.
Find Your Strengths As An Introvert
Find Your Prefered Medium – Some people like singing. Some people like reading. Some like math problems. We all have a certain medium that we enjoy best, and this is true for missionary work. Some work best contacting people on the street. Some like going door to door. Some like calling up old contacts on the phone. I personally much prefer text. An introvert tends to do best in groups rather than individual interaction, so they do best giving talks in church (once they get over the initial stage fright) or talking to groups of investigators. A missionary is kinda limited in ways to meet people, but don’t be afraid to mix things up in an innovative way. Maybe organize a bible study group or something? Maybe play an instrument on the street corner and instead of dropping coins people grab a pass-along card?
Don’t Settle On One Message – Introverts enjoy complex tasks that require a custom solution. So it’s a drag if you just go out and go door to door all day with the same opening line. I found I enjoyed myself much more if I noticed things about the house and customized my opening line accordingly, or if I analyzed the town and developed my own strategy for contacting people. People have all sorts of different experiences and questions, and it is all about touching on what their biggest spiritual issue is. The church is not one-size-fits-all, and an introverted missionary excels at helping figure out where their place is in the church.
I’ve noticed this on the internet as well. Though skeptics usually seeka single easy formula, an easy script to follow, people are most fulfilled by a message that fits them personally and speaks to their personal circumstances. What if I’m politically liberal, where is my place in the church? What if I don’t believe in organized religion, can I still be spiritual? There is nuance (sorry, that’s an overused word) to each person’s story, and if you can help with a tailored answer, then even if your answer isn’t that great, still, at least they will contrast that with the cookie-cutter answers that atheism and popular culture hands them and be more likely to investigate the church further. So don’t stick with simple sunday school lines–but don’t wander into speculative “deep” doctrine either.
Seek Out Familiar Faces – Introverts are much better with people they have met before, even if they only met once. That is why I kept careful track of friendly contacts and re-tried calling people who didn’t pick up the first few times. Even if an investigator just wasn’t making progress and I ditched them, I often still contacted them a couple weeks later. Often, I jotted down a quick description so that I would remember what the person looked like. This familiarity made all the difference for me about how anxious I felt talking to them.
I took time to learn the faces and names of people in the ward. This is another very important step, because connecting names and faces erases almost all anxiety for me. For some, it’s all about the location where you meet them. It’s okay to ask them to meet in a familiar spot like a park you go through a lot. Maybe take an hour to hang out somewhere before a discussion to familiarize yourself with the place. For others, it helps to take a map and become familiar with it, or to look at Google street view. Think of how it is for introverted investigators as well–if you think they are introverted, maybe they need an hour to hang out in a location before a serious religious discussion, or maybe it must be at their home, and maybe you can make up business cards with your photo on it so they can become familiar with your face (hey, why not?)
One Step At A Time – What really helped me out was when I realized I don’t need to try to get someone converted immediately. One step at a time. If a day is spent knocking on doors so people can see that I’m a missionary and I exist before they all slam their doors, at least that is one small step forward. When someone is interested, it’s alright if you just get their contact info–though if they are in the mood for a spiritual discussion, go for it. In this way, it’s a lot like getting girls’ phone numbers: if she’s in the middle of something just get her number and go, but if she clearly wants to get to know you right then and there, oblige. An introvert works best with tactical planning, so getting a phone number gives you the chance to set up a great discussion session. Plan out where it’s going to be, what you are going to try to talk about, visual object lessons, etc. It sets your mind at ease and leads to great results when you plan a vision for how it will go–though, of course you must expect it to turn in directions you didn’t expect. Trying to go through missionary discussions upon first contact places you on the spot and is much more difficult. The only danger of taking a phone number and talking later is that the contact may change their mind later on about meeting with you.
Seek Out Extroverts – Introverts and extroverts like each other because they fulfill each other’s needs. An extrovert loves that introverts ask questions and learn, because this doesn’t come naturally to themselves to do this. They love it when someone sits and listens to them and gives a thoughtful reply. I learned to identify extroverts and quickly build a rapport with them by asking a simple questions, listening, and giving an insightful reply.
How To Talk To Other Introverts – When it comes to people who are introverted like you, the simple fact is somebody has to do the talking instead of the listening. You have to act like an extrovert and lead things along. Leave the deep thinking to them. You have to. It may wear you out, so do whatever you need to to prepare yourself. It will help a lot if you open up about personal issues and be the one to first extend a token of close friendship. This will mean a lot to them, even if it doesn’t look like it does. Be careful that you don’t try to discard a contact or investigator just because they are introverted. Just bring more energy to your next meeting. Or maybe bring along a ward member or other missionary who is extroverted so they can help.
Change Your Mindset
Don’t Get Depressed – For me, it is almost inevitable that the more I engorge myself in culture and the lives of people around me, it quickly takes a toll on my psyche. This was especially true for the first area of my mission. Each day was a lengthy adventure, and I found myself starting to get depressed, even though it was also the greatest time of my life. Love takes its toll. I recognized this and took a step back. It’s not worth it to get depressed.
Don’t Rely On Your Companion – It’s hard enough being a missionary, but having a companion who relies on your optimism and energy can be a huge drag. You are there to help each other, and you certainly should communicate if you need help with something, but your testimony and your energy should come from within yourself. This goes for investigators as well–many get excited because the missionary ministering to them is excited, but at some point they must generate their own testimony. If your companion becomes a drag or if your investigator relies on you, it is important to help them find their own source of excitement.
How To Become More Extroverted – It is better to strike a balance between extrovert and introvert, and the good news is it is possible to change this in yourself. I see a person’s mindset as a train. The locomotive is the self-love that motivates a person, and the fuel is psychological resources that provide self-worth. Behind that is the environment we are in. This is a major issue for missionaries, as they find themselves in a totally foreign environment with foreign people. They must learn to take stock and adapt to use the environment as utility for their identity. Next is relationships. Again, this is an issue for missionaries because they are away from family and friends. But this is also about our relationship to society in general, to the universe. By being forced to analyze environment and relationship, a missionary learns their true place in the universe, which is rare for people to know now-a-days. After that, a person can focus on their identity and the virtues that make them who they are.
Self-love, environment, and relationships are the elements that can make a person more extroverted. Try to see the logic and rhetoric behind it. Try to see the impression you take in from your surroundings and the expressions you generate. The fuller this picture of where you are and how you relate to others, the more your self-love will lead to an identity of your choosing and vision that will make you a great missionary. This self-love is generate from a knowledge that you are a child of God and a disciple of Jesus Christ. It is a very noble thing that you are doing. Really a marvelous work and wonder. If you truly don’t feel this way, start there. Look at the engine of your heart and see what kind of self-worth you have for fuel. It takes a leap of faith for you to be able to see what you didn’t know you had. A step into the dark unknown, like the first time you approach a stranger. The train will jolt forward unexpectedly. Faith is an active principle, not a passive one, so it requires you taking action and applying the principles.
As you look at the environment, do not forget to look for spiritual guidance and angels helping you as needed. They are there. Allow self-love to transform each step of your shoes into the carefully magnificent gesture of a prophet, to prop your body in a posture of strength, and to augment your voice with the song of angels. You will become a holy temple as you breathe in the air of the city and breathe out masterful sermons of righteousness. Your presence will change the world we live in, and change you into a noble man or woman through the adulthood that lies long before you. As an introvert, your power comes from within, and as it grows like a volcano you will be empowered to bring joy to those around you.