This is an archived copy of a post written by Conflict Of Justice (conflictofjustice.com). Used with permission: Conflict Of Justice may not agree with any alterations made.
As I entered the single’s ward, I discovered that there were some similarities between the mission field and dating. It required communication skills, focus, effort, and a pool of initial contacts. One thing that I didn’t consider in the single’s ward, but which is vitally important, is the image that I presented of myself. A missionary doesn’t need to think too much about image. He just wears a nice suit and keeps his hair well trimmed–or a for a sister missionary, a nice dress. A missionary stands out in a positive way all on his own. But with the single’s ward and dating in general, a good first impression takes more individual effort, and image is a determiner of success.
The Utility Of Style
I learned to think of image as performing a function that can work toward dating, courtship, and marriage. Personal self-improvement naturally results in an attractive image that all on its own advertises who you are. Personal virtue shines through. But I have found it important to consider how the virtue shines through and make sure the positive indications are there, like a light shining on a hill rather than hidden under a bushel. Style can take these personal virtues and amplify them visually to help with dating.
Conformity Vs. Uniqueness – One issue that I dealt with, and many single’s I talk to deal with, is breaking through the cliques. We enter into a single’s ward clinging to our small high school groups because of the awkwardness of meeting new people, and maybe we will give someone a chance if they approach us and are friendly, but otherwise we stick to the clique. How are we supposed to break out of our cliques and break into other cliques? This is an issue where visual style comes into play. It requires a certain level of conformity, yet that must be balanced with a level of uniqueness. Dreadlocks are not as likely to be successful in a traditional Mormon setting. And yet, it won’t do to completely mimic everyone else, because uniqueness is an important indicator. Social approval is found through a certain balance of conformity, just as a missionary learns native languages and customs yet doesn’t wear the native garb of the land.
You see this balance all the time visually come into play. Hipsters in Portland, Oregon wear skinny jeans and rolled up long sleeves, yet often I see the men sport an ironic long beard. It’s as if the men are indicating they conform to the city-inspired code yet retain personal masculinity. This kind of contradiction often turns into a visual mess, like those neo-modernist office buildings you see in the city with shabby classical decoration flung atop a typical modernist skyscraper. Too much contradiction doesn’t speak well to a person’s personal virtue. The conformity must always go back to the utility of the style, just as a missionary learns a language in order to effectively communicate the gospel. We could augment how we speak or how we socialize in order to effectively communicate with other cliques. We could change how we dress if it serves a specific purpose.
What is most important is what uniqueness stands out. The uniqueness must be a road sign for sincere virtue and it must not contradict what you have conformed to. If you are wearing cowboy boots in New York City, that must mean you used those cowboy boots for their intended purpose and they are an important part of who you are. This uniqueness can serve a function of giving the clique an exciting reason to explore outside their comfort zone if done right. In what I wear, how I cut my hair, how I walk, etc. I often ask myself, what function does this serve and is it the natural result of personal virtue?
Dress Style
Tanner Guzy is a great resource I have found for men to help establish their style, particularly for members of the church. I recommend men take a look at his site Masculine Style, because it can be hard for men to know where to start. As for what I have to offer, here is the advice I can give:
There are seven elements to art: color, form, line, shape, space, texture, and value.
Color – Color of clothing should be chosen based how it compliments and matches other colors (the color on the opposite side of the color wheel). So, if a person has skin that is more pink, dark green clothing could look good. Or, colors could be chosen in a triangle fashion. If a woman has orangish skin and blue eyes, a purple dress could look good. The brightness and contrast of colors I find has a lot to do with personality. Bright red is an indicator of a strong personality. Muted gray is an indicator of a quiet thinker. Colors can be chosen to match important features such as eyes and hair.- Form – This has to do with the function of style, which I have already talked about. Of course, form also works a more practical level: heavy jackets for the snow, light t-shirts for hot weather, etc. But keep in mind all of the other functions besides how clothing shelters the body: such as what effect a watch has on style rather than just telling you time, what a hat does rather than keep sun away, etc.
- Line – The line separates one area from another area. This has huge implications in terms of clothing and chastity, but on a more basic level it involves balance of presentation. A pant leg that extends too long below the shoe shows too much of an overlap between the foot area and the leg area. It’s poor balance. That line between foot area and leg area needs to be in its proper place with a proper transition between spaces. A belt that is placed too high up around a man’s waist likewise appears off balance. Lines also create patterns within the individual areas, which are unique to those areas. You don’t see the same kind of patterns that go on shirts being used on shoes or hats, right? Why is that? Each dress element should be considered on its own and how it meets up with the other elements. The classic blunder is clashing patterns of plaide.
- Shape – Shape determines a lot about style. Each shape can use appropriate clothing and style to become expressive.
- Space – Successful style imbues not only you as a person but also the room you are in and the culture you are part of. It shouldn’t be like some foreign object that doesn’t belong there, like a costume or dress-up. It considers the environment it is in. It also considers time as a space it is within. An adult does not often successfully wear a t-shirt that a teenager would wear.
- Texture – Texture is an important element that I often forget. It’s not just about the visual image but how the material gives that image and how it feels to the touch. A random example I thought of for this the villain in the Arnold Schwarzennaegger film “Commando.” He wears a metal chain-male shirt that gives a subtle hint of a warrior waging violent battle. Yet it is cold, not a fabric that people would care to touch. It also comes off too ironic for my taste considering the guy’s personality, and it really comes off as goofy. The hero, Arnold Schwarzennaegger, wears rugged boots and a simple soft green jacket that is well suited for fighting, yet is inviting and familiar.
- Value – Value refers to whether art is light or dark. Imagine if missionaries wore dark shirts with dark suits. How would that look? It would make a big difference in how we look at them, right? They would look like Catholic priests and somehow seem totally different than they are now. The value and contrast in value has a great impact. Light is typically pure and black is severe.
Uniqueness – Again, I can’t stress enough, the unique part of the style is what is most important. Be bold in places where you don’t fit the mold. Just pick your uniqueness carefully. Don’t wear a yellow suit to church. Yet don’t just mimic what everyone else is wearing.
Recognize Liabilities – We all have an aspect that does not come across positivity. The list of potential liabilities is endless. Rather than try not to think about it, I find it helps to recognize and deal with it in the best way possible, with an attitude that it isn’t hopeless. There is always a way to achieve a great style with what you have. Ignoring it makes it hopeless.
Transition To Your New Settings – Whether it is a transition from a mission, or high school, or something else, we can often lose sight of things we are holding on to from before, and then we dress like we are still trying to become zone leader in the mission or a skate boarder from middle school. Stop holding onto functions that are no longer relevant. Take stock of how things are now and adjust accordingly.
Pay Attention To Haircuts and Shoes – These are two things I don’t consider enough, probably because my hair and shoes are the things I look at the least. But they are two of the things everyone else looks at the most.
Get Clothing That Fits – The more I study styles of people walking down the street and shopping in the stores, the more I see clothing that doesn’t fit. It is probably the number one mistake people make. This is something else I don’t consider enough, probably because I grew up getting hand-me-downs from older siblings. A shirt that doesn’t fit is like a windshield that doesn’t fit on a car. Imagine how bad that would look? It could be the nicest car in the world with the nicest paintjob, but if the windshield doesn’t fit it will look bad. Pay attention to how the shirt overlaps the pants, the lengths of sleaves and pant legs, and the baginess of shirts over the chest and stomach. And please don’t sag the trousers.
Start With A Single Item – Maybe other people are different, but what helps me is if I start with a single item that fits me well. Maybe a shirt that matches my eyes nicely or shoes that look really sophisticated. Then, I can look for clothing and other items that go well with it. I find this easier than looking for an entire ensemble at once.
Style Should Fit Your Behavior – When considering what I can strategically conform and wear as a uniqueness, I consider my background, my personality, my important experiences, and my interests. If I end up with a style that clashes with my normal behavior then I know I need to try again. This is why Portland hipsters with lumberjack beards don’t often pull it off.
Emulate A Hero – Who are your heroes? Maybe your father and mother. An important historical figure. Or a prophet. And of course Jesus Christ. But there are also people that we find ourselves emulating that we wouldn’t expect. For me, one is Vladimir Putin. Vladimir Putin??? Well, he happens to possess a personality type similar to mine and he carries himself in a masculine way that portrays success. The way he dresses, body language, attitude, and charisma are often ridiculed in the media, and we in the United States like to tell jokes about him, but there is no denying that his image portrays power and strength. I find myself looking at photos and videos of Putin to inform my decisions of clothes I wear and how I carry myself.
Keep Clothes Looking New – We all get sentimental about our favorite pair of shoes or shirt, but it is important to know when to let it go. Old dirty clothing never looks good. Every couple decades, it seems like ragged jeans with faded patches come back in style, so I guess that must mean someone must like them, but I don’t think it is because they look old, but rather because they have an interesting texture. Clothing can last a long time if you invest in dry cleanings and forth. But I think it is best to not get too attached as see clothing as just a utility to express your image.
Your Image Will Encourage You
It gives me a courage boost and motivation to go places and meet people when I’m looking myself. Maybe this is more important than anything. I believe it is also important to understand why this is. Personal identity is downstream of resources, environment, and relationships. That means the things you use to goals, how you fit into your surroundings, and how you relate to others determines your personal identity. Style is the outcome of these three areas, and it expresses your identity the best because it is the closest thing to your body and mind. Style is literally the closest thing to you.
Our bodies were the first thing we were aware of as tiny babies and it will be the last thing we are aware of when we die. Clothing and other elements of style are what we use to express the body. I think this is why more than just being a matter of respecting our most precious gift from God, treatment of one’s body as a temple is important because it is our first and final layer of communication with our environment. This is why modest and beautiful dress is so important. If we defile ourselves with ratty tattoos, shoddy clothing, and a nasty countenance, it closely reflects our inner identity. It also inevitably shapes how we influence others. It is easy to dismiss this, but ultimately our bodies are the primary faculty for all civility and behavior, and should be recognized as such.