This is an archived copy of a post written by Conflict Of Justice (conflictofjustice.com). Used with permission: Conflict Of Justice may not agree with any alterations made.
Are there questions we aren’t supposed to ask? Are there dark parts of history and doctrine that Mormons are afraid to discuss. Racism, sexism, violence, etc. How can we talk about these issues without inviting doubt and apostasy?
A Mormon Sunday School teacher was reportedly “fired” for discussing black history in the church. Ex-Mormon Bruce Fey asked how far we should go when discussing these sensitive issues: “Where can a sincere devout member with difficult questions regarding church history, doctrine, and culture go to discuss those questions?”
Get Both Sides Of Every Argument
The reason some issues are taboo is because they are so often misrepresented in the media and used by Antimormons to tear down our faith. It is hard to find reliable information about polygamy when Antimormons flood Google with hate sites and fill Wikipedia with misinformation. It takes a lot of time and a carefully discerning mind to get reliable answers.
It never seemed to me like questioning the church was banned. Growing up, my father played Antimormon Christian talk shows in the car. When the Christian talk radio started bashing Mormons, my father did not even say anything. He simply let it play. When I later asked him why he did that, my father explained: “I want you to get both sides of the argument and make up your own mind.” I was amazed that he put so much faith in my ability to make wise choices, especially considering how persuasive Antimormon arguments were. I did not feel afraid to ask questions about the church.
Don’t Rely On People – There is always going to be self-righteous good-doers who turn people away from the church, and some people will equate that small group with the who church. Our natural reaction to the self-righteous members is to poke holes in their beliefs, namely in the church. We are going to equate the self-righteous jerks with Mormonism itself because we don’t get along with these members. It’s always going to be that way, because that’s human nature wherever you go. So I think it is wise to try to separate concerns about unpleasant ward members with questions about eternal truths. Questions of doctrine and questions of church members are two separate issues. Don’t get bothered by members who offend you.
Get Both Sides Of The Argument – Objectively get both sides of an argument. Someone with shallow faith would hear that Joseph Smith got sealed to women besides his wife Emma and their knee-jerk reaction might be to ask their Sunday School teacher: “Why would a prophet of God enter plural marriage?” Someone with even shallower faith would whisper to their friend: “Hey, have you heard Joseph Smith did it with other women on the side?” But an earnest and humble person who is concerned enough to find out the truth of the matter would research. I’m not talking about looking at some blog or Wikipedia. Wikipedia is crap. I’m talking about prayerfully reading the polygamous women’s’ autobiographies and all other resources available. That’s what I did. Then discuss the matter with someone who knows about this issue. They would then discover that the “marriage” was strictly for the afterlife and never involved physical relations, and that it was necessary to institute polygamy for Mormons at that time.
So my answer to the question is, everywhere. Ask your doubtful questions everywhere as long as you are sure they are sincere questions seeking truth about eternity. Just gather evidence from all sides of the argument. Don’t be afraid of the truth. The truth will always set you free.
Avoid Gotcha Questions – When I used to engage Antimormons on twitter they usually either blocked me or ignored me. They might talk to me at first but once they find that I know what I’m talking about, many try to move on. That is because they are not actually interested in discussing questions; they are only interested in disseminating Antimormon literature to Mormons to get people to leave the church. Maybe if I am enthusiastic about debating they might think this means I’m doubting my faith, but otherwise they move on. If their ‘gotcha questions’ don’t stick, that usually indicates to them their propaganda won’t work. I was never interested in “gotcha” questions, like the race history narrative that Antimormons use.
Actually, their methods are lot like the methods Anti-Americans use to recruit people online to extremism. Anti-Americans quote some history book about slavery among the founding fathers, or say Christopher Columbus was genocidal. They have a series of “gotcha” issues that sound damning on first impression, but are actually very easily explained when viewed in the proper context. If these “gotcha” issues can instill just a tiny seed of doubt in your heart, they hope to fertilize that seed by moving on to other more personal issues. Gotcha questions are the thin end of the wedge that they hammer upon to open up your doubts like splitting a log. We all have doubts. Be careful not to allow gotcha questions to become the scalpel that opens up the source of your doubts. Address them in an isolated, objective, and scholarly manner.
Confront What Really Motivates You To Ask
Where do your doubts really come from? When confronting your doubtful questions, it is important to ask yourself, “Why is this important to me?” There has got to be some underlying personal issue that makes this question stand out. Maybe someone is being mean to you at church. Or maybe you resent not being given a “higher” priesthood office to make you feel important. Maybe there was abuse. Or maybe you resent not being allowed to drink coffee. The questions of the heart are hard to pin down. But they must be confronted to find peace.
Do not rationalize. Cognitive dissonance will remain if you simply try to patch up your testimony with half-hearted answers. Often, the issue is some transgression that causes a person to feel guilt, or something that happened to make them feel shame. Maybe a desire to drink coffee is a symbol that your hearted generated to rationalize some other behavior. If so, gather raw church information for why church standards are a good thing, and compare that with arguments for why that behavior makes you “free” and “empowered.” Then talk to people who wisely understand the issue, such as a Mormon family psychologist. Don’t avoid the real issues by making it about coffee.
It’s Okay To Not Know Everything – Admit that you don’t know the answer to begin with, and that’s okay. Maybe you have made big mistakes in life or maybe some of your beliefs are wrong. Admit that maybe you have a shallow concept of who your ideal self is and how to get there. Take a few quiet hours to ponder your life, your behavior, and where you truly want to end up. Why is it so important to know every little detail, as long as you know you are on the right path. Maybe the reason you are doubting is you are not confident in your ideal goal, your path, or where you are headed.
Do Not Base Your Relationship With God On Other People – You can’t rely on other Mormons for your testimony because they will let you down. People are going to be mean to you at church. They are going to act hypocritical. If you build your self-esteem and eternal goals on the praise of others, you are going to be crushed when you discover that in this world the only person who really looks out for you above all else, is you. God is certainly there to lift you up at a moment’s notice, but ultimately it comes down to you deciding who you are going to be. How are you going to let yourself be defined?
The very question “Where can I ask questions” shows a faithless reliance on what other people think of you. It shows that you expect answers to be handed to you instead of searching the raw data for yourself. Fellow saints are not the keepers of your testimony, you are. Your relationship between God and you is between God and you. We should absolutely lift each other up as a community of saints, share wisdom, and give each other positive encouragement. We should be family. But in striving toward perfection, we must not put the cart before the horse and pretend like we have all the answers, the image of our ideal self pinned down, or the path to get there. At some point, we need to be realistic about who we are and love ourselves for the good and bad. Take responsibility for your behavior–don’t put it on the Mormon church–and find faith and the path to be a good strong child of God.
What Is The Alternative?
Finally, don’t just ask your questions at church. Ask them everywhere about everything. Realize that loss of faith does not occur in a vacuum; people don’t just become “un-religious.” Whatever or whoever inspired you to ask a question has a religious agenda themselves. This includes the movement to ordain women, the movement to marry gays, the media website or television channel that wants you to buy their commercial products. Ask what their agenda is. They like to frame themselves as secular movements fighting against backwards religion, but the truth is they are every bit as religious, and their crusades against the church are religiously motivated. Who is it that screams the loudest about “equal rights?” They are social justice warriors fighting to alter our culture to a utopia of Socialism. What does their end-goal actually look like? Will this lead to a fulfilled life? Will society excel if they get their way?
When you seek both sides to the argument, don’t treat the other side as simply the negation of church doctrine, but ask yourself what they would replace that teaching with. What is their solution? What is their fundamental ideology? In considering the feminist dogma that crusades against Joseph Smith’s polygamy, and ask yourself why if these same secularists say they want everyone to have the right to marry whomever they “love,” why do they oppose polygamy–the right to love? Isn’t that a contradiction? Do they truly want to give people the “right” to marry whomever they want? Ex-Mormons like to call themselves ex-religion, but it is impossible to go through life without believing in something, in your heart and in your head. They have an ideology, and there is a reason why they conceal it and refuse to talk about it openly. They have not confronted the real issues in their lives and found peace. They will continue to spin their wheels and wallow in emptiness until they do the research and know the intellectual truth. But more importantly, they need to accept their imperfections and find confidence in their hearts.
See Also: Why Belief In God Is Necessary To Grow